Come on folks, stop acting STUPIDLY!

President Obama defended his friend, Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr., by saying the "Cambridge police acted stupidly in arresting somebody when there was already proof he was in own home."  I see nothing wrong or improper about such logic, do you? 

The fact is that the police officer did arrest a man who was committing no crime (becoming righteously incensed is not a crime is it?) and posed no threat (a senior citizen, 5’7” who needs a cane to walk), who’d just arrived from China (don’t you hate it when you get home, jet lagged, dehydrated and exhausted from flying two days straight?) only to find his front door jammed shut (don't you despise those old wood doors that expand with heat and humidity and get stuck when you least expect it?)

The President should have no opinion about his friend’s arrest? Come on!  He’s a human being, just like us, and he also knows firsthand what racism is like. So what if he has the nerve to call it like it is.

Now the young Boston cop has a bruised ego, and his boss the Cambridge Police Chief is defending his young buck, an eleven year veteran of the Cambridge Police Department, who by the way, also trains other cops on race relations!  Police unions are joining the fray and crying foul. They all demand an apology from the United States Chief Executive.  They think the President should know better.  He should refrain from using the word “stupidly”, such offensive language, and we all know that words carry consequences.  

Speaking of consequences, I hope this overblown debacle serves to shine a bright light on police training across the USA, forcing them to examine things like deflating conflict, not stupidly escalating it.  What a novel idea.

Perhaps Professor Gates’ behavior was self righteous and aggressive, but if I were in his shoes, I might have lost it myself.  If a cop ordered me to step outside my own home AFTER I proved to him that I did nothing wrong I might get a bit peeved, even if I didn’t just step off a plane from China and found my front door jammed.   Obama called it just right.  So instead of blowing this thing out of proportion, let’s use it to prevent incidents such as this in the future. Oh, and let’s just get along, ok? Respect cuts both ways.

SUPREME COURT JUSTICE ANITA HILL

“Let's Make Clarence Thomas's Worst Nightmare Come True,” says Nell Scovell in the last issue of Vanity Fair.   

I’d pondered that too, but the notion seemed so revengeful, I quickly dumped it with my most outlandish ideas, like cashing in my assets and buying Citibank stock for a dollar back in March (I finally bought some "C's" at four dollars a few weeks ago). 

Scovell would like to see President Obama appoint Brandeis University law professor Anita Hill to the Supreme Court.  And so would I.

“She’s reasonably young, smart, and—after her ordeal testifying at Clarence Thomas’s 1991 Supreme Court confirmation hearing—she certainly understands politics as well as law [and when] Senator Arlen Specter (R-PA) tried to pick apart her testimony, failing to grasp the most rudimentary aspects of sexual harassment in the workplace [he] challenged Hill’s every statement, every motive. Why didn’t she quit her job? Why didn’t she tell someone? Calmly, Hill tried to explain something Specter has never endured—power politics from the unempowered side,” writes Scovell. 

Like Scovell, I screamed at the TV.  I also felt good that Anita never raised her voice and never showed her anger. 

He notes that in contrast, Thomas spewed ad hominem attacks when he took the mic. “This is a circus. It’s a national disgrace,” [Thomas] barked at the Judiciary Committee. “And from my standpoint, as a black American, it is a high-tech lynching for uppity blacks who in any way deign to think for themselves, to do for themselves, to have different ideas, and it is a message that unless you kowtow to an old order, this is what will happen to you. You will be lynched, destroyed, caricatured by a committee of the U.S. Senate rather than hung from a tree.”

The irony is that, in the end, a man who claimed to have pulled himself up by his own bootstraps resorted to playing the race card and managed confirmation by 52–48, the narrowest margin ever.

Last December, Scovell wrote to Professor Hill and asked if she had considered the notion of a Supreme Court appointment and she replied:

“Dear Ms. Scovell:

My mother would have warned me against answering your e-mail and participating in the kind of “devilment” you are up to. Last month I was speaking in Maine and was asked about being appointed to the Court. I responded, “That would be awkward, don’t you think?” After all, there ought to be some level of civility, if not camaraderie, among The Nine. I’m very excited about Barack Obama’s presidency and its potential for healing, but I don’t think this is one that he can, or should try to, pull off.

Not that you asked, but high on my list of people Obama ought to consider for the Supreme Court are Dean Harold Koh of Yale Law School (international law specialist) and Lani Guinier at Harvard. (She never had her chance to prove herself before the Judiciary Committee.) I’d also like for him to go outside the Northeast corridor and Ivy League Schools for someone who has been on a state supreme court deciding significant social/economic issues.

Best,
Anita Hill”

“Even if she doesn’t want it,” Scovell writes “I still think she’d be great. To use her phrase, there’s such “potential for healing.” I want [Arlen Specter (D-PA)] to finally treat Hill with the respect she deserves. I want Hill confirmed with more votes than Thomas. And, mostly, I want Hill to counter Thomas’s continued assaults on personal freedoms and equality.  At an Ohio townhall in March 2008, then-candidate Obama was asked if he’d appoint a woman to the Supreme Court. At first, he stepped back to describe what he’d be looking for in general. “I want my judges to understand that part of the role of the Court is to look out for people who don’t have political power, the people who are on the outside, the people who aren’t represented, the people who don’t have a lot of money, who don’t have connections. That’s the role of the Court,” Obama said. “And, yes, I want a woman on the Court. Absolutely,” he added. Sounds like Anita Hill to me.”

I wholeheartedly concur.

SPECTER NEED APOLOGIZE TO ANITA HILL BEFORE HE JOINS DEMS

Republican Senator Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania is about to switch parties.  Yeah, Dems can use two more votes to overcome filibusters in the senate (hopefully Al Franken will get there soon), but when I think of Specter all I think about is his ruthless questioning of Anita Hill during the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings back in 1991. 

When I hear Specter’s gravel voice I'm reminded of his mean spirited questions.  In my gut I knew Anita was telling the truth during the hearings. 

Specter had an agenda—to push for confirmation of the least qualified candidate for Supreme Court justice ever, simply because the committee needed a black justice to fill the seat left vacant by Justice Thurgood Marshall.  Clarence Thomas was probably the only black pro-life/anti-affirmative-action Republican lawyer in the entire country. 

So, to achieve their lofty goal, Specter and his brethren first had to destroy Anita Hill’s credibility.  They succeeded with lies and innuendo (history has shown this).  

ClarenceThomas got confirmed, yet to this day he feels the need to attack Anita Hill.  In his recent book Thomas says she wasn’t qualified for the job at the EEOC.  She was (Yale graduate, DC bar, law firm experience, etc.)  He’s the one who wasn’t qualified.

Arlen Specter's like all politicians.  He'll do anything to get elected, even switch parties and maybe even apologize to Anita.  Better late than never, and maybe for the wrong reason, but so what?

A pie in the sky solution for AIG

Jake DeSantis, an AIG executive posted his resignation on the NYT, basically saying that last year he agreed to stay on the job for $1 salary in exchange for which he’d receive a retention bonus.  The company was facing bankruptcy and needed to keep its top talent.  Jake did his job, but when the idea of paying AIG bonuses became so distasteful to us all, bonus recipients were publically vilified by Ed Liddy, AIG’s new CEO--a man Jake had never met.  So Jake decided to give his $750k bonus to charity and walk out.  Jake says he never had anything to do with the credit default swaps that brought down AIG.  That in fact, since ’98 the division he headed made $100 million profit annually for AIG.

According to the NYT and some of the networks, it seems that the real villain at AIG is Joseph J. Cassano, the guy who dreamt up those infamous credit default swaps and then lied about them.  In August 2007  Cassano said that he couldn’t imagine AIG losing one dollar in any swap investment.  We now know that in the last quarter of '08, AIG lost $62 billion.  Cassano had created that division to charge huge premiums to insure the risks of the world (insuring other banks' debts, corporate investments, bonds, real estate deals and subprime mortgages--in all $2.7 trillion in so-called "derivative" contracts).  His brilliant idea made him rich.  He made almost $300 mil during his tenure, which he took with him to retire in nice townhouse in London, far away from the likes of Andrew Cuomo and a possible indictment.

Cassano needed to be stopped, but no one dared.  Back in ’95, when AIG lost its AAA credit rating its CEO Hank Greenberg conveniently retired and Cassano went on to take even more risk.  Some even thought he’d be the new CEO.  But that smart guy Cassano was able to retire, unscathed, last March ‘08.  He left AIG with a $34 million golden parachute and an agreement to earn $1 million per month in "consulting fees" (I wonder if we’re paying those).  Cassano has not been charged with anything, but his AIG Financial Products unit paid $126 million in 2004 to settle federal, criminal and civil allegations of fraud and helping clients falsify financial records.  AIG admitted no wrongdoing.  Ed Liddy, the current CEO has apparently dismantled Cassano's old unit.  Where’s Cassano? Riding his bike all over London, enjoying his retirement, or maybe looking over his shoulder.

But going back to DeSantis and his resignation letter.  A glimpse into Cassano’s unconscionable dealings at AIG makes one feel just a bit sorry for DeSantis.  But since we don’t really know what exactly went on inside AIG, we have no option but assume that every AIG employee has blood on his hands.  The only reason AIG is alive is because taxpayers bailed it out, but after our $400 billion “investment”, we can’t afford to be foolish.  We shouldn’t throw the baby with the bathwater.  We have to allow AIG to get back on its feet and demonizing every AIG exec’s not going to accomplish that.   Yeah, it’s obscene to pay a bonus to those who helped bankrupt AIG, but how realistic is to force every AIG exec to work for $1 per year?  I wonder how many talented and altruistic financial wizards you’ll find at that rate.  A better option is for AIG to immediately dismantle its culture of excess, then ask Mr. Cassano to fork over the $300 mil and with that money pay fair wages for top talent to help right the AIG ship.  That’s the pie in the sky solution.

President Obama, please tell kids to stop using!

The big elephant in the room the other night during Obama’s press conference was a much needed national plea.  I was waiting for him to say:

DRUGS KILL PEOPLE, FOLKS.  STOP USING!

But he didn't.  We all know that our insatiable appetite for drugs is causing the furious turf war being waged at the border and around the country, complete with kidnappings, torture, and brutal beheadings. 

I know the president has a lot on his plate, but he missed a great opportunity to persuade a drug user to finally begin taking steps to stop. 

I'm sorry he didn't. 

My long vacation Down Under

My husband and I are unconventional travelers--we never check-in our luggage.  It all began shortly after we met 14 years ago.  He’d invited me to explore the Greek isles, with one condition. I was to bring only what I could carry.  “Nothing can hold you back that way,” he said. Carrying one small bag is a great idea if you’re globetrotting and staying in 2 star hotels, but this trip was different.  We were embarking on a 30-day fancy cruise from Sydney to Los Angeles.  There were dozens of formal nights on board, and the weather was cold in Australia and New Zealand, hot and humid in French Polynesia, cool again in Los Angeles.  After wearing my little black dress four different ways, I began to look at the curtains in our stateroom as an option, a la "Gone with the Wind."  I'm afraid I would've end up looking like Carol Burnett in the parody, curtain rod shoulders and all.  In the end I did all right; few noticed I'd used my sundress as an evening gown a few times, or that my black slacks, sweaters and skirts had also double dutied. 

Brothers should pull up their pants

"Brothers should pull up their pants," President Elect Barack Obama said when asked about laws being passed to outlaw sagging pants. 

I respectfully disagree, Obie One.  I rather see young men busy trying to keep their pants up, their colorful underwear showing, than cracks showing over low slung jeans.

Yeah, I know. Everyone's missing the point.  Is not about decency, it’s about the fear that with gangsta rap and sagging jeans comes crime, but no one will come out and say it.  It’s easier to talk about the indecency of underwear showing.

Except that we long ago crossed the line of decency.  Slut's in.  What does President Obama think about young women all over the mall wearing plunging necklines, exposing overinflated silicone breasts a la Pamela Anderson?  What about impossibly short baby doll dresses, mile high stilettos and skimpy thong underwear (or no underwear a la Britney?). No one's yet asked that question, but we can guess his answer.  Something evasive, some “let’s focus on the economy, live-let-live” kind of response. He'd never criticize mothers who dress even sluttier than their daughters, or dad's who walk around with the crack showing, parents who give their daughters boob jobs as sweet sixteen presents.  He won’t because, among other things, well, those folks are mostly white.  Barack can get away with telling black kids to pull up their pants, but he can't tell young Britneys to wear underwear or cover their boobs.

As for fashion trends, they're just that. Trends.  Some are short lived, some stubbornly stick around for a while, like the sagging pants, but those too are on the way out.

I guess the only reason sagging pants are still around is because so many object to them.  Nothing better than being noticed and feared not for whom we are, but what we wear.  Maybe young black men have been feeling powerless, and their clothes express power.  With
Barack as President that attitude might change. I can't wait to see how that change in attitude gets translated into fashion.

But we can’t legislate proper attire.  Unless parents are willing to police what their children wear, no amount of censorship or any silly law is going to get between us and our Calvins (can you believe Brooke Shields is 43?). Our young trendsetters will continue to come up with new ideas, drumming to their own beat, unhindered by what’s lawful, proper or improper. And their ideas will be copied around the world, keeping factories working overtime in China.

By the way, I think Barack’s a briefs guy. You say boxers? 

The Return of Common Sense

Barack Obama is our President elect. 

I am so proud of what we have achieved tonight as a nation. 

Now we can put away our differences and reach across the aisle to put our country back on track. 

For the last few weeks I put my  life on hold for people like the nurse and her child that I drove to the right polling center tonight. 

Without a second thought I offered her a ride. and she enthusiastically accepted.  I drove her and her young son, Alex (who looked like the kid in "One and a half men") in a great hurry to the right precint.  We arrived without a second to spare. 

Fifteen minutes later she emerged from the polling  booth, beaming with happiness. 

She'd never voted before. 

Barack Obama was her candidate.  She told me on the way back.  I was glad.

Bradley Effect? Try Military Effect.

When Tom Bradley lost the '82 California governor's race, everyone blamed it on race.  He'd been ahead in the polls. 

The Bradley effect refers to those who vote for the white candidate, yet tell pollsters they're undecided or likely to vote for a black candidate before the election.

I have a wild theory that on this election we'll have a similar phenomena in the reverse.  The Military Effect.

Members of the military commonly say they'll vote for John McCain, but I have the feeling that many won't on this election.  But they speak the "party line" because supporting Barack Obama is often seen as unpatriotic, or disloyal at the very least, in their community.  A soldier in uniform can't afford to be perceived as disloyal. 

In the last couple of elections we've seen soldiers loyal to the Republican party as Hollywood is Democrat. Only a precious few retired military generals support the democratic ticket.  In fact, it took General Colin Powell a lifetime to speak his mind. I lost all respect for General Powell when he made the case for war in Iraq before Congress.  He knew better, yet he sacrificed his principles rather than resign.  But in all fairness, maybe he thought he'd serve his country better if he stayed the course.  Also, had he resigned, he'd been dismissed as unpatriotic. Reputation is everything, just ask President Bush.  I bet he'd give anything to get back his good reputation (you know, the "good reputation" he enjoyed right after 9/11).

And so young soldiers are likely to tell you what you expect to hear.  But don't take my word for it.  Ask a young soldier what s/he thinks of Colin Powell's switcharoo.  S/he'll tell you, very diplomatically, that everyone's entitled to their opinion.

No, they aren't.  Not when they have an entire career ahead of them.

I feel like a man. I voted.

"I feel like a man," said my 19 year old nephew after casting his ballot the other day. 

He'd waited on line three times to vote, each time having to leave for class or some other obligation. 

Finally he waited an hour and a half and did it.  He voted on each initiative, and chose among 13 presidential candidates, then spoke to me cogently about his choices. 

That little boy is now a man helping to shape this nation.  I'm so proud of him.

Pollwatching

The Clerk doesn’t seem to care for my presence inside the early voting site.  I’m a certified pollwatcher, a volunteer for Barack Obama, there to ensure every vote is counted.  I assume her focus is serving the hundreds of would-be voters that have been waiting on line for hours, many of them outside, under a hot sun.  It’s 2:00 PM and the temperature is in the 90’s, with high humidity. Paramedics are standing nearby, just in case.  The press waits to report something other than the long wait.

On my way in I’d noticed someone carrying an armful of bottled water and a dozen hands immediately going up.  The water was gone in seconds.  Some voters read the voluminous sample ballot as if studying for test.  An ancient woman was napping in a wheelchair while someone, perhaps her daughter, blocked the sun with a large black umbrella.

I introduced myself to the only other poll watcher inside.  He’s representing John McCain.  He’s young and dressed in a suit.  His hair is combed forward into a point resting in the middle of his forehead. I notice his briefcase embroidered with his candidate’s name on it.  He tells me he’s been there all day and everything has been going smoothly, except for the printers.  They keep breaking down.  A commotion disrupts our chit-chat.  The crowd has just learned the woman in the wheelchair is one hundred years old.   

“Where are the young people?” the McCain pollwatcher says. 

“I don’t know.”  I watch the older crowd of voters.  These voters have come prepared.  They’ve done their part.  I feel I need to do mine.  

By 6:30 PM the McCain pollwatcher leaves.  I stay.  The last voter leaves by 8 PM.  The poll had closed at 6:00.  I observe the running of the totals tape and the packing and sealing of the ballots in four plastic cases, which are then loaded onto a rented truck. I get my car and follow the truck a few blocks to a warehouse.  By 9:00 PM I watch the unloading of the ballots. 

On my way home I realize this is the most tedious and important job I’ve done in my entire life.

Cindy McCain should replace Sarah Palin

With just over a week until the election, John McCain could do no worse than to dump Sarah Palin and bring in Cindy McCain as his running mate.  Not only is Cindy smart and photogenic, but she has more practical and business experience than all the presidential and vice-presidential candidates put together. 

In fact, when John was too busy politicking in Washington, Cindy bore his children and single handedly raised them.  As the head of her own charity, she helped pick up the pieces after several disasters and wars.  She earns over a million dollars a year as Chair of her family’s beer distribution business, the largest in the nation.  She manages her ten homes and a few business complexes.  Oh, and she doesn't have to apologize for wearing a quarter million bucks on any given day. 

Cindy may look fragile and she might be media shy, but that’s not a bad thing.  She’s the real thing, and she's definetely a Washinton outsider (though there's the Keating thing still lurking outthere, but she'll get a pass for that, I promise). 

So, John, look no further than two steps behind you.  There stands a perfect Vice President and perhaps your best chance to win.

Sarah the thriller

You just can’t make this stuff up.  Well, I’ll try to envision what really happened there, how Neiman Marcus made Sarah Palin an action heroine.   This is not about how Sarah traded a strong moral fiber for ultra expensive threads. Others have already covered that territory.  

I think it all began when a Walmart tag stuck out of the neck of Sarah’s ill fitting striped jacket.  Poor Cindy McCaine was horrified.  Like the other rich heiress, Paris Hilton, she’d taught one could only shop for walls at “Wall Mart.” 

“They sell suits at Wall Mart?” Cindy said, unable to hide her distaste.  Thin saliva sprayed with each syllable.    

“You betcha!”  Sarah said with gusto, proud to show the rich waif a thing or two about substance over style.

“You can have both, you know? Substance AND style,” said Cindy, guessing correctly what went on inside Sarah’s predictable church force fed brain.  “No disrespect to you, Sarah, but you got some nice hidden assets sweetie, bring them out.”  Cindy pointed her manicured, bejeweled hand at Sarah’s milk engorged breasts.

And in less time than it took Sarah to say “Oh, I don’t know,” she found herself, champagne flute in hand, sitting in a gilt Louie XV chaise at Neiman Marcus, watching a parade of young Cindy look-alike models, wearing the latest fall fashions.  Properly bra fitted, Sarah’s girls stood up in attention like never before.  She felt like Barbarella, or Wonder Woman, ready for her action heroine costume.

“I can see you in that. “ Rialto, the only gay Republican stylist, said pointing with disdain.  An expert seamstress was on hand to alter the special suit. 

The next day Sarah gave a speech wearing a red leather jacket reminiscent of Michael Jackson in “Thriller.”

 No longer flying, Sarah’s been seen moonwalking around the country ever since.

Thank God Obama is not an Arab

An ancient woman grabs McCain’s microphone during one of his town meetings.

“I can't trust Obama," she says, sounding dazed and confused, her gray hair matted over her eyes. "I have read about him and he's not, he's not uh ... he's an Arab..."  

"No ma'am," McCain snatches the mike, turns his back at the woman. “He's a decent family man...citizen that I just happen to have disgreements with on fundamental issues, and that's what this campaign's all about.”

Translation: Arabs are not decent family men, or citizens.  We shouldn't trust them.  We should trust Obama because he's not...an Arab?

John, stick to the teleprompter, will you please?

November 5th, 2008 - Nightmare's Over

I’ve just awakened to a new day, full of joy and hope for the future.  My candidate has won by a landslide.  The story this morning is no longer about who won, but by how much. 

Half the political pundits are on their way to Alaska to go into torpor with the bears until spring, but I wouldn’t mind if they hibernated for the next four years, perhaps eight. 

The ringing of the opening bell at the stock exchange sounded heavenly this morning.  The entire world is on a buying spree, snatching bargains from real estate to blue chips, to whatever’s left on the aisle. 

The sun’s shining, the air is fresh, and two squirrels chase each other outside my window.  Coffee has never tasted so good.  I’ll probably take a nap and sleep peacefully for the first time in a long time knowing the world is in good hands.

Good thing I bought all those shares of GE. Oh, and I picked up Iceland (the country) for only a thousand bucks.

Tough economy? Don’t run with the pack.

I wish I could say that times like these are all bad, but they’re not. 

These times remind me of when the electricity goes out, and after a while people begin to come out of their homes like zombies.  And you meet some neighbors, the people you’ve been waiving hello from afar.  You realize how busy you’ve been, and so you share some candles and chat under a full moon, maybe do some networking. 

Speaking of networking, maybe you’ve been laid off recently.  You’re now competing with a thousand others for the only such job available within thirty miles. And so you hit a few dead ends until you realize you need to get out of your comfort zone.  You begin to get creative, use alternative means to find that elusive opportunity, that dream job. 

That happened to me a way back.  I was once watching TV and saw the city Mayor talking to the CEO of company where I wanted to work.  I’d tried to get a job there, but no one would even pick up the phone and cover letters with my resume never even got acknowledged.  Assuming they weren’t hiring, I gave up-- for a while.  Later learned they’d just been busy, after I decided to just show up and ask for the job. 

I still remember that day.  I came out of the elevator and recognized the CEO from TV, walking towards me with his entourage in tow.  “Do you have a minute?” I said.  He looked at me, confused, and inside that moment of hesitation I told him who I was and why I was there. 

“Come with me,” he said walking back in the direction of his office, where he handed me a file.  “I need someone to take this on, do you think you can?” I was so nervous I had no idea what I was reading, but I nodded. “You got the job,” he said and left.

McCain makes no sense

John McCain and "that one," sparred again last night during the second presidential debate.  By now you probably know who “that one” is.  Barack Obama.

When referring to an energy bill, McCain said "you know who voted for it? You might never know. That one," pointing at Barack Obama.  Ouch.  

You had to be there to feel the hurt.

But Obama was no wall flower.  He punched hard and returned each punch, even prompting NBC’s Tom Brokaw to remind him of the rules a couple of times.  Barack reminded me of Sarah Palin, who basically said during her debate with Joe Biden, “to hell with the rules, I’m going to say what I need to say.”

By the way, do you know who’s name McCain didn’t mention, not even once? Yeap.  Sarah’s.

What McCain didn’t bring up last night was just as important as what he did.  He brought up his friends across the aisle, beginning with Tip O’Neall, Russ Feingold, Ted Kennedy (told you he’s a Dem Hag), and what McCain debate would be complete without a mention of Joe Lieberman, the former Democrat? 

McCain never mentioned what Sarah’s been spewing about Obama and Bill Ayers.  And since McCain didn’t bring up Bill Ayers, Barack didn’t mention McCain’s dear friend Charles Keating, though he did mention McCain’s campaign manager, Rick Davis, and his little conflict of interest with Freddie Mac up until last month.  But it was McCain who first brought up Freddy Mac when he tried to pin our economic collapse on Obama, which is always laughable.

And speaking of Freddie Mac, McCain announced a “new” plan to rescue the economy.  He wishes to spend another $300 billion to reduce your bad mortgage to the current value of your home.  So, if your home value is more than your mortgage, if elected, McCain will pay the difference.  That ought to buy your vote, no? Except I thought that’s what the $700 billion was for.  So now the $700 billion will become a trillion dollars? What does McCain think, that money grows on trees?  Well, no, not trees but the Mint.

MCCain is in trouble and he knows it, but he can’t have his cake and eat it.

What are we to believe when he says he’ll freeze spending (except for vet benefits and the Iraq war, where we'll stay until we win, or hell freezes over, whichever comes first at a rate of $10 billion a month), and now he says he'll also spend another $300 billion fixing the mortgage problem.  Oh, and he also said he'll fix social security, health care and the energy problem, all at the same time.   And he'll cut taxes.  

McCain's promises make no sense.  But don’t take it from me, read the transcript yourself at

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/07/presidential.debate.transcript/

Too big to fall. Too big to fail

As Gordon Gekko would say, "Greed, for luck of a better word, is good".   So, John McCain hires Rick Davis to be his campaign manager, exclusively.  John pays Rick $20,000 per month to whip his campaign into shape.  Rick delivers.  He puts McCain on top of the Republican ticket.  But there's a problem.   Rick's still collecting $15,000 a month from Freddie Mac.  What?  Isn't that a conflict of interests? And isn't Rick working "exclusively" for McCain? And isn't Freddie Mac one of those "too big to fail" companies we had to rescue?  Yes, yes and yes, but this is American politics.  So get over it.

Big fish like Rick Davis gets to keep his job and money.  It seems he finally gave up the Freddie Mac job last month.  What job? I'm not sure, but the New York Times reported that "Davis himself approached Freddie Mac in 2006 and asked for a new consulting arrangement that would allow his firm to continue to be paid. The arrangement was approved by Hollis McLoughlin, Freddie Mac's senior vice president for external relations, because "he [Davis] was John McCain's campaign manager and it was felt you couldn't say no," said one of the sources."  I guess that means Rick Davis was paid for his influence with McCain.

Rick didn't even get a slap on the wrist for this one.  He's still McCain's right hand man, the one telling Sarah to remove the gloves and pull up the stiletto boots.  In the meantime, Rick's collected millions of dollars to oppose (yes oppose), new federal regulations so Freddie Mac could buy more risky mortgage securities, which in the end brought it's downfall.  Last month we (the federal government) injected $100 billion into Freddie to keep it alive because Freddie was too big to fail (like AIG and Fannie Mae, where we sunk another $200 billion).  Freddie owns or guarantees about half of the twelve trillion dollar (yeah, trillion) mortgage market, the same kind of mortgages Henry Paulson will buying with the $700 billion we just gave him.  

The fact is Rick's too big to fall, just as Freddie Mac's too big to fail. 

Dirty, Sexy, Stiletto Politics

"Obama has been palling around with terrorists who would target their own country," Sarah Palin has been repeating into the microphone for a few days now, strutting around in her black stiletto boots.  What can Obama do?  He can’t ignore the attacks, no matter how incredible (he explained his relationship with Bill Ayers during the last debate).  So Obama’s dusting off his “Charles Keating’s McCain’s best friend” ads to fight fire with fire.

Karl Rove and his team are counting on a cavalcade of paranoid schizophrenic conspiracy theorists still connecting Obama with Osama.  We love a conspiracy theory.   Palin’s latest mantra resonates with those who still believe Barack Hussein Obama is a Muslim who attended a Madrassa in Indonesia as a child.  Unfortunately, inciting such fears can endanger Barack Obama’s life.  Yesterday I saw a mentally ill homeless man running up and down the street screaming menacingly, “Obama is Osama, Obama must be killed ten days before the election.”

The Rove Team has perfected Swiftboating gutter politics designed to win presidential elections by assassinating the character of the opponent. That free for all, everything goes kind of campaign tactic gave us George W Bush, twice.  They’re counting on us buying into it a third time.

The tanking economy’s not helping McCain.  Less than a month before the national election (early voting has already started in some states), McCain's way down on the polls.  What else can he do?  He must focus on Obama’s strongest suit, charisma and credibility, and attack it relentlessly until Election Day.

McCain’s camp has been pushing the limit on campaign strategy from the beginning of his campaign, but this time they have a lass action superhero.  Sarah Palin knows how to smear more than lipstick.  She smeared her way into the governor seat in Alaska in stilettos. 

But McCain might not win on smears alone. That's why I suggest they remove Palin's smarmy glasses, have her show some cleavage, wear a cape and brandish a whip.  I guarantee that'll win McCain the presidential election, or at the very least, a TV series.

BAILOUT PASSES HOUSE, HERO EMERGES

Ok, now that the House passed the bailout plan, we’re officially a socialist country.  Thanks to George Bush, we’re capitalists in good times, socialists in bad.  Lenin would chuckle.  

Will the $700 billion (plus a billion and a half of pork barrel) cash infusion do anything to ease off the credit crunch? Who knows.  But at least we’re moving in some direction.  Only time (and who knows how much time), will tell if this measure worked.

Now the devil’s in the details.  What assets to buy and how much to pay, how to manage these assets and for how long, but most importantly, when to quit and change direction if this plan doesn’t work.

But, folks, the good news is that trapped, stiffling feeling seems to have eased off a bit.  As if we've been in a train stuck in between subway stations in New York City during a hot summer afternoon, without air conditioning, not knowing when we’ll get to the next train station, but now we hear the train wheels moving, very slowly.

Looking back, I guess the only real leadership shown during this financial meltdown debacle has come from Henry Paulson.  He even went on bended knee to beg Speaker Pelosi to take swift action.  If this works, Paulson will be a hero.  But even if it doesn’t, he’d still be a hero because no one else stepped in with a better plan.  No one else showed real leadership.  Not really.

Will Paulson now help restore our trust in the financial markets? Only time will tell. 

Palin’s not ready to be President

          At a time of war, when our country’s economic future looks as uncertain as Iraq paying for its own reconstruction, I still feel insulted that John McCain couldn’t find someone more qualified to be his running mate.  Yes, he can use Palin's energy, spunk and beauty to give him a boost, but sacrificing this country for the sake of an election is shameful. His lack of judgment is perhaps a sign of early senility.  He has other signs of old age.  He’s impatient, angry, grumpy and short fused,  and he's beginning to walk with a shuffle.  He doesn't listen and frequently shoots from the hip.

         After last night’s debate, I could almost hear Tom and Ray from Car Talk tell me how I’d just squandered another perfectly good hour.  I felt insulted all over again.  Yes, Sarah Palin can cram information and repeat phrases like a parrot.  I already knew the message she was going to deliver, and she delivered with the grace of a six pack and a pizza.  But the job of President (yes, President, if McCain's elected, Palin is only a heart beat away from the job) is much more serious and demand much more sophistication, knowledge and intellect than the ability to look pretty, wink at the camera and recite from a script.

Unleash The Dog Chapman on Wall Street honchos

From 3 pages to 300, from $700 billion to $850 billion, from bad to worse.

Ok, folks, the bill approved by the Senate last night now looks like your run of the mill pork barrel spending, complete with concessions for wooden child arrows and those who bike to work (look it up, I’m not kidding).  Oh, and the bill’s suitably tied to a mental health initiative (you'd have to be nuts to make this stuff up).

I ask you.  Where’s all that money going to come from? Who’s going to pay for this?  Oh, I forgot.  Its either that or the soup line.  I better shut up.  But wait, how do we know that? Because that’s what Wall Street insiders are telling us?

I can’t help but wonder why we have to bail out and also re-empower those who screwed us.  And don’t tell we are to blame.  That common folk bought too much house, lied on the loan applications, etc etc.  Hey, these Wall Street guys had to know exactly what was going on, even had a hand in creating these schemes from inception through to processing, repackaging and securitizing non-recourse mortgages, and finally passing them along to trusting investors, all happily riding the housing bubble wave. 

So my question is: Is this kind of scheme a crime? And if so, who’s going after these criminals? No one?

I suggest someone hires Duane "Dog" Chapman (you know, Dog The Bounty Hunter and his gold mullet?).  Have him chase after some of the Wall Street honchos who collected billions in bonuses last year for masterminding the schemes that got us into this mess. 

Maybe some of the trust would return if, on prime time TV, we saw The Dog in his minivan chasing a Lamborghini  down the Long Island Expressway.  He'd somehow drive it off the road and use mace to subdue one of those  “Greed is good” Mike Douglas look alikes, then throw him in the back of the van and deliver him to the Feds for prosecution.  And if the Feds aren't interested, how about Andrew Cuomo? As the NY State Attorney General perhaps he will have the guts to run with this ball.

Now, that's a measure I'd endorse.  Where do I sign?

Sarah Palin's selective memory

During her interview with Katie Couric, Sara Palin couldn’t remember any Supreme Court cases, other than Roe v Wade.  Was she told by McCain’s handlers to stay away from Exxon v Baker, a case that's in the mind of every Alaskan at this moment?

The whole world heard about that disaster.  We all saw the pictures of sea birds and sea otters covered in thick black crude oil.  That was back in 1989, when the drunken captain of the Exxon Valdez let the oil tanker ran aground in Prince William Sound.  Almost eleven million gallons of crude oil spilled into the pristine Alaskan coastline, causing one of the most devastating man-made disasters to ever occur at sea. 

After the spill, Exxon dragged its feet, but in the end, more than eleven thousand Alaskans participated in the clean up.  Today, over twenty five thousand gallons of crude remain on the shoreline. The spill not only killed some of the Alaskan fishing industry for a while, it killed a half million seabirds, a thousand sea otters, hundreds of harbour seals and bald eagles, dozens of whales and billions of salmon. 

A few months ago, the US Supreme Court slashed the original $2.5 billion awarded to Alaskan fishermen to about $500 mil.  Those fishermen are peeved.  How can Sarah not remember any of this? 

Oh. I forgot about “drill, baby, drill”.  Sarah has to censor her memory of any inconvenient truths nowadays. 

Or, maybe she doesn't want us to focus on her efforts to remove polar bears from the endangered species list.

Sarah Palin’s Trade Missions with Russia. Garbage?

By now we know Sarah Palin is an expert in foreign relations, and thus qualified to be President of the United Sates because of Alaska's proximity to Russia.  "They're our next-door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska -- from an island in Alaska," she said to Charlie Gibson of ABC news.   "We have trade missions back and forth. We, we do, it's very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia as Putin rears his head and comes into the airspace of the United States of America, where do they go? It's Alaska,” she said to Katie Couric of CBS news.

Well, the other night I saw some of those 'trade missions' on television.  Huge bags filled with garbage, thrown right into the waters of the Bering Strait by the hundred or so inhabitants of Diomede Island.  That's the island from which you can see Russia a few miles away (no, not the Kremlin, but a huge, desolate spanse of Siberia about the size of Texas).  These Alaska residents don’t seem to care about their garbage disposal methods because they believe their garbage ends up in Russia anyway. 

The cluster of houses in Diomede Island is accessible only by air.  There are no roads and no garbage incinerator.  They’ve apparently requested one, but none of the $223 million earmark (remember the bridge to nowhere?) got to them.  Governor Palin did use some of that money to build a road to nowhere, not sure what she did with the rest.

Sarah Palin has never been to Diomede Island, according to the Mayor.  Some of the residents have never even heard of her.  Now that they know who she is, they’d like to see her someday.

Perhaps Sarah Palin ought to focus on her state and her constituent’s a little while longer.  She has much to learn about them, not to mention the rest of the world.  Hopefully she'd learn to appreciate Alaska’s natural resources, and then  show some leadership about environmental conservation, starting with proper garbage disposal.  It shouldn’t take her that long to reach her constituents.  Alaska’s population is about 650 thousand.  Then she needs to travel abroad (I heard she finally got a passport last year).  She should get curious about the rest of the planet before she can lead the most powerful nation in the free world. 

Oh, and Sarah should try to find out where that garbage does end up. 

Sarah Palin will skip debate

(spoof) Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin announced during a press conference today she is suspending her campaign and flying to Washington because “Washington can’t get its act together” and “it’s time everybody get together” to solve “that economic turmoil over there”. 

Ms. Palin also placed a call to Senator Biden and urged him to join her in Washington and do his part to ensure Congress “protect America’s economy from predatory lenders, and health care administrators.”  She also suggested Biden’s “running mate Obama [ought to] show some leadership, since he is after all, the one running for President.”  Ms. Palin didn't know that both men were already in a meeting with John McCain in Capitol Hill. 

During the press conference, Ms. Palin spoke in generalities, such as “we cannot allow the markets to fail,” and “something must be done immediately to prevent a crisis.” She was unable to offer any specifics, and when a reporter insisted she provide details about what she would do in Washington, she replied: “Moral support of course, I’m not an economist.”  Asked what sources of information she uses to keep informed about issues of national importance, she replied “all of them.”  After much insistence from reporters, she said, “what? You don’t think we get Fox News in Alaska?”  

Why the bailout didn’t pass the house today

Neither side wanted to blink first, so in the end 133 Reps and 94 Dems voted against the rescue plan.  Maybe these legislators just couldn’t approve a $700 billion dollar bailout after they heard us screaming bloody murder all week.  “Why should we bail out Wall Street fat cats”, “Why should we use $700 billion to buy bad paper”, “Where is that money going to come from?” “Why should I pay for somebody else’s fiscal irresponsibility?”

But I also heard some Republicans complain bitterly about a certain memo sent by Nancy Pelosi that upset them enough to change their minds about voting for this bill.  I didn’t see the memo, so I don’t know how offensive it was.  But, does that mean that if these guys were the fire department, and my house was on fire, hurt feelings alone would cause them to keep the fire engine in the firehouse?     

Only time will tell if George Bush, the boy who cried Wolf, was right about the urgent need to pass this bill.  Either these legislators can't trust him, or it's political suicide to follow his lead.  All I know is that we're smack in the middle of all of this.  Will we pay the price? And if so, how high? 

With the passing of this bill, President Bush wanted to "send a strong signal" of confidence to markets at home and abroad.  The only signal I saw being sent by Congress today was a middle finger, perhaps to the President.

WHY I CAN'T VOTE REPUBLICAN

[The following is in response to a post I read elsewhere.  I realize I'm shooting from the hip, fighting perception with perception.  I know you're all intelligent and can tell what's true from fiction or exaggeration.]

(spoof) Because the Republicans:

1.       Gave me the worst President in the history of this country, and together they squandered their power, and wasted my hard earned tax dollars

2.       Took away any hope I had for the future, stiffled my ingenuity

3.       Lied and cheated for eight years, helping only their own and themselves

4.       Made it unpatriotic to criticize the President  and the Iraq war

5.       Invaded the wrong country and abandoned the search for the real terrorists who savagely murdered thousands on 9/11, and in the process made billions of people mad at us

6.       Want to drill and pave the earth, leaving nothing for future generations

7.       Practice hate and intolerance, yet talk about love and forgiveness

8.       Believe women are weak, unable to make good choices about their bodies

9.       Believe in free, unregulated markets, but when that fails, they spend billions to cover up their mistakes

10.    Believe the Constitution should be interpreted as if we were still in living in 1787

11.    Want to halt immigration, forgetting this country was built on the backs and brains of immigrants

12.    Believe the right to bear arms means having arsenals in every home, from submachine guns to Stinger antiaircraft missiles, endangering us by outgunning our police

13.    Believe homosexuals are evil people who should be mocked, shouldn’t have any rights

14.    Give huge subsidies to oil companies, even after earning record profits at my expense, created the largest deficit in our country's history

15.    Will never change

16.    Don't believe in lending a hand to the poor and disadvantaged

17.    Anyone who questions or doesn’t think like them is unpatriotic and ungodly

18.    Took away my job and I can’t afford health insurance, forcing me to keep my children at home, because I’m afraid they’ll get injured and I won’t have money to pay for a doctor

19.    Sent my job to China and India, and I can’t afford to retrain for a domestic job, my children can’t afford college, I'm losing my house and drowning in debt

20.    Threw away my hard earned tax dollars in a war to no nowhere, leaving me no choice but to say :

                               “Thanks, but no thanks”

My Fair Lady Redux

(spoof) In this version of the musical, Henry Higgins, er, Henry Kissinger trains Eliza Doolittle, er, Sarah Palin, to dance political Cha Cha at the upcoming Debate Ball.  Kissinger’s goal is to cause the inexperienced woman to look sophisticated and worldly.  She has memorized 200 flash cards in anticipation of her first training session with Kissinger.  It’s a cool, quiet afternoon somewhere in the middle of the country.  The two principals sit across from each other in a cavernous grand salon, richly furnished.  Photos of the McCain family litter every surface.  The secret service and McCain’s advisers stand ten deep. A butler stands rigid by the door awaiting orders.  McCain and Cindy are taking their power nap in another wing of the mansion.  A pair of large purebred Labrador retrievers are asleep at Kissinger’s feet.

“I’m sorry you had to put up with the Pakistani President making passes at you last week, dear,” Kissinger mumbles, a la Darth Vader, “but you handled it very well.  You giggled like a teenager.  That was excellent.  My men are handling AsifAsif Ali Zardari, that boorish Pakistani, so don’t you worry that pretty head of yours.  I guess he’s still unsteady, mourning the murder of his wife Benazir.  That’s a lesson for you.  Pakistanis mourn differently.” 

“Oh, thank you Dr. Kissinger.  My Sweet Jesus knows you too had to put up with Golda Meir’s advances, when you were known as “Henry The Kiss”.  I heard she kept trying to fix you tea and cookies.” 

“That was quite a time, talk about dating.” Kissinger shakes his head, reminiscing.  “I had the entire Hollywood A List in my little black book. Jill, Shirley, Candice and even Marlo.  I had so much power, women, and even men, dropped at my feet like flies.  They still do, believe it or not.  You should've seen Hank Paulson last week.”

“Didn’t you say that power is the ultimate aphrodisiac? No wonder Todd’s always chasing after me like a frisky puppy.  And speaking of dogs, I love it that you called Indira Gandhi a bitch,” Palin shouts in a shrill voice.

Kissinger grimaces, and then adjusts his hearing aid.  “Sweetie, about that voice of yours.  Keep it low as it hurts my ears.  It’s not your fault; I know what is like to sound annoying.  The media has been after me for years, criticizing my heavy German accent, and the fact I never give an interview.  I hate the media.  They should know not every German can sound like Heidi Klum.  But enough about me, tell me what you’ve learned thus far.”

Palin rises to her feet and clears her throat as she does every Sunday, when she gives the State of the State address to her church congregation.  She pauses for a moment to collect her thoughts, facing Kissinger.  “It’s about putting government back on the side of the people," she says clenching her fists, "and that has much to do with foreign policy and national security issues. Energy is a foundation of national security. It’s that important. It’s that significant, because energy is from God.  God is energy.  God is my savior.  God bless America….”  Palin breaks into gospel song.

Kissinger falls asleep.

McCain’s a Dem hag

It wasn’t long ago that the Republican Party (McCain included) endorsed every bill put before it by the Bush administration. Those days are long gone.  American taxpayers woke up one day and felt their wallets lighter, slimmer.  The cost of filling up the gas tank had doubled.  They got angry.  The Republican congress ran for cover, disassociating themselves from the Bush administration.  John McCain suffered an identity crisis.  He became a Dem hag.

Last week Republicans demonstrated how difficult it is to be a Republican legislator in Washington these days. When presented with the Bush plan, at first they knew they had no choice but to endorse it (with a few modifications).  But they couldn’t be seen as the old Bush rubber stamps, so they reached out to John McCain for leadership.  And for a minute there, I thought Nancy Pelosi and Barney Frank were Republicans, trying to bring consensus, trying to be inclusive, trying to save the country from an economic meltdown.

John McCain suspended his campaign, cancelled the debate and rushed to Washington looking like a Democrat chicken without a head.  He ran around town with Joe Lieberman (former Democrat), his best friend, trying to get his bearings.  He talked about replacing SEC Chairman Chris Cox with Democrat Andrew Cuomo, but that’s about it.  Though he did buy his colleagues some time to check the voting winds one more time.  The voting winds told them to get down to the business of the nation, stop the nonsense.

McCain then decided to fly to Mississippi and debate Barack Obama.  And even there, the first words out of McCain’s mouth were well wishes directed at Ted Kennedy, his dear Democrat friend, who’d been hospitalized.  At that moment we knew, this man was not a Bush Republican, or even a Republican, but a Dem hag.

McCain would still be trying to win the Vietnam War

There wasn’t a winner at the debate last night.  McCain should’ve won by a landslide.  World affairs is supposed to be his strong suit, domestic affairs is Obama’s.  But McCain's opinion about Iraq (victory at all costs) tells me he hasn't heeded the lessons of the past.  I think if it were up to him, we'd still be in Vietnam, trying to win at all costs, notwithstanding the American death toll and our ruined economy.  His narrow vision and inflexible stance give me no comfort.

Poise was a problem for McCain.  He didn't look at Obama or at the camera, even after Jim Lehrer insisted they candidates should look at, and talk to, each other (Lehrer took the role of therapist during a marriage couseling session).  Also, McCain kept throwing verbal punches, like a washed out street fighter or Boris Yeltsin, the alcoholic Russian leader, who always wore his bitter heart on his sleeve.

Obama looked more relaxed and in control.  To make his points, he looked straight into the camera and to McCain.  But Obama chuckled a few times, reacting to McCain distortions of his record, as if saying, “here we go again”,  and he referred to McCain as John.  I suppose laughter is better than tsking or shaking his head, and calling McCain by his first name made the process seemed less formal.  But overall, Obama looked measured and presidential, while McCain looked embittered and angry (notwithstanding his Botoxed forehead).  Obama does tend to be too tempered and cogent, and I wish he showed more emotion.  Even when he’s in pain, he smiles.  Maybe he should try wearing a cilice on his thigh next time (you know, that metal chain with the inwardly-pointing spikes from the Da Vinci Code).

And McCain can't fight fair, even when 70 million of us are watching.  While Obama gave McCain certain deference while making a point, McCain used Obama's words out of context to make another.  “He’s absolutely right, but” Obama said a few too many times, being charitable perhaps.  McCain’s campaign (McCain approved the message) rushed to air a commercial in YouTube using only the “He’s absolutely right” part (which aired shortly after the debate).

And what’s with McCain repeatedly saying “I never won Ms. Congeniality?” Doesn’t he know Sarah Palin did?  And is that supposed to be a good thing? Doesn’t he know that you can get more done with honey than vinegar?  He lost me with his rigidity and surly disposition.  But at least McCain told the truth about what he’d do in his administration, given the financial setback resulting from the Wall Street bailout.  Here priorities matter.  McCain said he’d freeze all spending, except for the Iraq war and vet benefits.  By contrast, Obama would push health care, energy programs, taking care of the vets, etc.

In sum, McCain looked and sounded rigid, an ageing one-mission-soldier, unable to multitask or change course when necessary.  He rambled on and on about the past like a grandfather reminiscing Glasnost and Perestroika, and his "conversations" with Alexander the Great.  But experience is only an asset when you use it wisely.  Yeah, he's a Vietnam hero, but if McCain can't heed the lessons of the Vietnam War we're in deep trouble.

Bush’s legacy, er, ledger

$700 billion  / Iraq war    / Help Dick’s friends at Halliburton

$700 billion / WS bailout / Help Hank’s friends at Goldman Sachs

----------------

-$1.4 trillion / American Taxpayers / John's coming to Washington to "help" these guys

What McCain’s last message really means

(spoof) “America this week faces an historic crisis in our financial system [this is really live or die for me, my poll ratings are way down]. We must pass legislation to address this crisis [I want you to believe that without me, Washington can’t get anything done]. …It has become clear that no consensus has developed to support the Administration's [I have to give that idiot Bush a hand if I want to get his job] proposal. I do not believe that the plan on the table will pass as it currently stands, and “we are running out of time.” [that's my campaign, actually, that's running out of time]

…I am calling on the President to convene a meeting [this makes me look Presidential, ordering the bozo around] with the leadership from both houses of Congress [they haven’t done a thing all week, they'd been so paralized with fear], including Senator Obama [I’m dragging the poor child along, he’s such a newbie, maybe he’ll learn a thing or two] and myself [got to remember to attend, I’m so forgetful these days]. It is time. [for what? I don’t know, but I need a nap]. …we must meet until this crisis is resolved [I’m tired of campaigning, I’m old, I want to sleep in my own bed for a change]. I am directing [example of my ‘shock-and-owe decision-making style, keeps my staff on their feet; the truth is, I'm an impulsive "seat of the pants" kind of guy] my campaign to work with the Obama campaign and the commission on presidential debates to delay Friday night's debate until we have taken action to address this crisis [the truth is, I don’t have time to prepare for a debate and get smart about the WS debacle at the same time.  Obama will pick me dry, I can’t afford to lose this debate, besides, this will give me an excuse to cancel Sarah’s debate with that a-hole Biden; the girl’s still too green, the Cliffs notes aren’t working]

I am confident [the truth is: I have no idea what Henry’s gonna do with $700 b’s] that before the markets open on Monday we can achieve consensus on legislation that will stabilize our financial markets, protect taxpayers and homeowners [you’ll never see that money back, that’s actually all I’m confident about], and earn the confidence [I mean“votes”, actually] of the American people. All we must do to achieve this is temporarily set politics aside [this will make me look like a sacrificing patriot, I hope], and I am committed to doing so [but the truth is, I need a break from the campaign, without negative consequence]

Following September 11th, [Giuliani made me add this 9/11 stuff; it used to always work for him] our national leaders came together at a time of crisis. We must show that kind of patriotism now. [Gingrich’s new GOPAC memo says I should use the word “patriot” often].  Americans across our country lament the fact that partisan divisions in Washington have prevented us from addressing our national challenges. [It pains me to have lied and cheated during the campaign, but how else can I win?  Bush did it to me, so I can do it to Obama; that’s the way the cookie crumbles. I'm keeping my fingers crossed this gamble pays off]

Who's to blame? Don't look beyond Wall Street & Washington

I'm compelled to share with you this surprising article from Wall Street hedge fund CEO Eric D. Hovde on the Sunday Washington Post. His first hand knowledge and historical overview made sense to a WS outsider like me. 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/19/AR2008091902808.html

Dear Henry Paulson, ask a ten year old

Remember that big rig that got stuck under a highway overpass a few years ago? 

After hours of deliberation, the police, the highway authority and a bunch of experts were thinking of cutting a piece off the bridge, that is until a ten year old suggested letting the air out of the tires.

Duh. Why didn’t anyone think of that?

So, before we hand over $700 billion to Henry Paulson to bail out Wall Street, maybe we should first consult with a whole bunch of ten year olds across the country. 

Stay-at-work-moms unite

Why should stay-at-work-dads like Senator McCain have all the fun?  

He abandoned his crippled first wife and shacked up with girlfriend Cindy.  Then, after marrying poor Cindy, he was too busy to show up for the birth of his children or Cindy’s various illnesses, including a stroke and drug addiction. 

If he can do it, why shouldn’t Sarah Palin, and all women for that matter?  Yeah, I admit Sarah has to show up for the birth of her children, but I say that should be about it.  

The $100 quart of milk

We’re talking about printing one trillion dollars to pay for the Wall Street bailouts. 

What about inflation?

Do we want to pay $1,000 for a dinner? $100 for a quart of milk? $200 for a movie.  Is that what we want? It can't be. 

I must be dreaming. Wake me up from this nightmare, please.

Would McCain take out Chavez?

Many Latin Americans are pinning their hopes on McCain (if elected President) to bring Hugo Chavez to his knees.  Nothing would give me more pleasure, except it’ll never happen. 

Chavez, the Venezuelan President, was democratically elected.  President Carter certified his election (sadly, that’s another story altogether).

Such wishful thinking comes from a time when President Bush (41, not 43) took down Manuel Noriega of Panama.  The difference is that Noriega was a dictator, Chavez just acts like one.  Also, the US had strong interests in the Panama Canal, where many Americans lived.  We don’t have such interests in Venezuela, as much as we thirst for their oil. We also had plenty of evidence linking Noriega personally to drug trafficking. 

Unfortunately, Chavez acts like an idiot, but he’s not stupid. He spends his country’s milk money buying allies and armament. He’s in bed with the Iranians, the Russian and the Chinese.  Oil money makes Chavez the belle of the ball, even if he looks like Guillermo, Jimmy Kimmel’s sidekick and has the social graces of a baboon (the ever sedate King of Spain once told him to shut up, right to his face).

The only people who can take down Chavez are the Venezuelans.  They had their chance once, but they blew it.  Maybe next time they’ll get their act together and vote him out of office. Yes, they still have elections there.  Hopefully, Venezuelans won’t let their election process become a sham, like Cuba’s.

305,223,761 & $7,000

As Johnny Carson would say, no, that's not a Miami phone number and the amount of your phone bill. That's today's U.S. POPClock Projection.  If you're a taxpayer, your share of the Wall Street bailout is $7 thousand.  Please make your check out to: Henry Paulson, US Treasury.

By the way, the population components for Sept. 08 are:

One birth every..................................    7 seconds

One death every..................................  13 seconds 

One international migrant (net) every.......  29 seconds

Net gain of one person every....................  9 seconds

$9,669,582,069.65

This is our collective tab today (per http://www.brillig.com/debt_clock)

So, if the estimated population of the United States is 304,768,350, then each citizen's share of this debt is $31,727.64. Keep in mind the National Debt continues to increase an average of $1.84 billion per day (since September 28, 2007). 

Got money?

No? Brace yourselves!

Because we're about to add another $700  billion dollars to the national debt.   

Oh, and that check will be made out to King Henry a/k/a CEO Henry Paulson (that’s Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson).

Paulson will then have unfettered power to use the $700 billion as he sees fit to avert the Wall Street meltdown and stabilize the financial markets.

So, McCain and Obama.  Don’t waste your time talking about defense, education, health care and the rest of it.  There will be no money for any of that.  Got it?  No money! (unless, of course, you borrow some more).

Now, this is the scary part.  Paulson is the same guy who never imagined we’d be in this situation.  Now he will have complete discretion to spend our future (by buying home loans, securities, whatever he needs to stabilize the financial markets). 

Do we have a choice? Probably not.  The pressure is on Congress to sign the check right away.  Congress doesn't want to go down as the guys who made a bad situation worse. 

What do you think will happen to all that money? Hmm. Lets see.  Remember the billions squandered in Iraq? Why should Henry be different?  Well, maybe if we all send him letter, pleading for him to be prudent with our money, he'll think twice before spending it all in one place. 

So, following is my letter: 

Dear Henry, please spend the $700 billion wisely.  Pretend it's your own money.   Get tough, don’t overpay for anything, do lots of due diligence, drive a hard bargain and, if at all possible, please recoup some of our money here and there, ok? Please? Oh, and Laurie says bring receipts. 

Big hug, IB

That dreaded 3:00 AM call

(spoof) The red phone rings at the White House at 3:00 AM.  Cindy McCain answers.

“Hellooo, who the heck is calling at this hour?” Mrs. McCain sits up on the bed in the Master Bedroom.  The President sleeps peacefully, curled up next to her.

“Mrs. McCain, I must speak with your husband.  The Venezuelans have in invaded Colombia…” the man sounds urgent.

“Is this another sales call?” she interrupts, irate.  “Because if it is, I warn you young man.  This phone is listed in the National Do Not Call Registry.  And now I have your caller ID, Mr. Todd Palin whomever you are.  I will report you, I’m not kidding.”

“Mrs. McCain, it’s me Todd, I’m filling in for Sarah.  She’s away on a hunting trip with Dick Chaney.  I need to let President McCain know about the invasion.”

“Invasion? I hate these old houses.  It’s the ants this time right?  I can’t wait to move.”

“Ma’m, this is an emergency,” he raises his voice, losing his temper  “would you put the President on the phone, please?”

“Young man, you have no right to speak to me in that tone of voice.”  She slams the phone into the cradle.

“Who was that, my dear?” President McCain removes the sleeping eye mask and rubs his eyes with his fists.

“Todd Palin and something about a Venezuelan ant invasion.  He has no sense of timing, we need to get another handyman. Go back to sleep babe.”

TOP SEVEN REASONS WHY MCCAIN WON’T WIN

1.       Palin. She can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never let the First Dude forget he's the man, but when it comes to the Russians, Iranians and their nukes? Hmm. I don't know. 

2.           He’s not very colorful.  He never fathered a black child out of wedlock and his Vietnam days didn’t make him mentally unstable.  Boring!

3.           He’s forgetful. Says he opposes pork barrel spending, yet Alaska and Arizona are 1 and 2, respectively, in pork barrel spending.  Forgets his Geritol.

4.           He has a hot temper, holds grudges for a long, long time.  He might attack Germany, or Japan, maybe even China (when they least expect it).

5.           He’s not very smart.  He ranked 894 out of 899 in his class at Annapolis.  Well, that might be an asset in this day and age.

6.           He has poor vision.  He crashed two planes before being being shot down in Vietnam, once colliding with power lines.

7.       He’s Panamenian.  He'd be our first Hispanic President.  If we're not ready for an African American leader, we're definitely not ready for a Hispanic one.

[spoof]

Top ten reasons why Obama won't be President

1.       He’s black.  I wouldn't be writing this if he were white.

2.      He doesn’t have an underage pregnant daughter.  Obama’s narrative would improve if his underage pregnant daughter hoped to marry the white kid whose bio reads: “I’m a f**kin’ redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes. But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some sh*t and just f**kin’ chillin’ I guess. Ya f*ck with me I’ll kick ass. I don’t want kids.”

3.      He’s too smart.  Rather than graduating at the top of his class from Columbia University and Harvard Law School, teaching constitutional law at the University of Chicago Law School and practicing civil rights law, Obama should've floundered through four different colleges in six years, all along wondering what to do with his life. 

4.      He’s too compassionate.  Giving up a lucrative law career to become a community organizer, like our fore fathers, the suffragists, or those idiots that ended child labor makes him look like a freaking socialist. 

5.      He’s too driven.  Instead of going to Washington, Obama should’ve listened to his aunt and run for city council in some small, remote part of the world like Alaska, Hawaii or Guam. 

6.      He’s not a NRA member. Instead of advocating for safer streets in the USA and help create legislation to control and dismantle conventional weapons in the old USSR, he should’ve joined the NRA and push for Americans to carry concealed weapons, all while advocating for every American household to own the latest submachine guns and stinger aircraft missiles to fight the Russians. 

7.      He’s a watchdog.  Instead of promoting greater public accountability in the use of federal funds, he should’ve pushed for more deregulation.  And while at it, he should've allowed Wall Street and corporate America to run free of any government interference.    

8.      He’s on the wrong side of issues. Rather than worrying about lobbying abuses, electoral fraud, climate change, nuclear terrorism and ending the war in Iraq, he should surround himself with lobbyists, deny that climate change exists, and guesstimate that we would be in Iraq for one hundred years. Oh, and instead of advocating for energy independence and promoting universal health care, he should’ve joined the “drill baby drill” battle cry and let uninsured Americans fend for themselves.  

9.      He can't channel God.  He doesn’t stand in front of his church’s congregation and, mixing politics and God in the same sentence, cry out that God wants the Iraq war to continue and God wants us to drill for oil. 

10.   He wants change.  If Obama thinks America’s so great, why does he want to change it?

[spoof]

Is Obama a communist? Is McCain a fascist?

           Don't take my (or their) word for it.  Check the facts. If you’re like me, you've been conditioned to take things on faith and act on emotion.  Take my spouse for instance.  It never occurred to me to run a credit or background check before I got married.  About you?  That’s what I thought. 

I was lucky, my spouse turned out all right.  I hope yours did too.  But here we are, about to elect a President of the United States of America and we’re still wondering if Obama's a socialist or McCain's a fascist.  And could either candidate run a corporation?

Carly Fiorina (McCain's advisor) says McCain, or Palin for that matter, couldn’t run a corporation.  Ouch! At least she’ honest, no?  But don’t worry, the McCain campaign vanished her before she gave her opinion about Obama or Biden.

Maybe we can establish a probationary period for the president.  Test-drive him for one year. Wouldn't that be plenty of time to find out if he can run the big American corporation?

Oh, you’re right.  Silly me. That’d just prolong his campaign.

So how do we hold the candidate's feet to the fire before the election? How can we force them to say what they really think? (I don't actually expect them to do what they say, they seldom do).

I say let's do research.  Lots of research.  With TV and the Internet we have no excuse.  We have all we need to get smart, not only about the real issues affecting our country, but about what the candidates have in mind to fix them, and how valid or realistic are the fixes they’re proposing.

Also, during the next few weeks we should be asking the hard questions, rather than listening to clever speeches written by others.  Wouldn't you prefer town meetings and press conferences to speeches designed to confuse us, divert our attention from the real issues.  And of course, more debates (without a moderator, just let them go at it).

Both candidates must think we’re idiots. And maybe we are.  We're more fascinated by Tina Fey’s resemblance to Sarah Palin, or McCain’s many houses, or Obama’s lipstick on a pig comment, or Biden’s long windedness than their positions on issues important to our future.

I suggest we use next 47 days researching the truth, getting smart and voting from knowledge and not emotion. 

Republicans. Protect the Republican brand, vote Democrat

           Ok, I’m an independent, but if I were a Republican I’d vote for the Democrats come November.  That is, if I really, really loved my political party.  

Why?

I can’t think of a worse time to lead this nation.  The mess we’re in will take years to clean up.  And cleaning is such a thankless job, so why not let the Democrats do it.  They’re good at it.

            So, Republicans, listen up. 

Take that vacation you’ve been putting off (go hunting), spend more time with the kids (home school them if you want), reconnect with your spouse (remember sex?), lose a few pounds (add a few years to your life), read some trashy novels (Ann Coulter) and get a good night sleep for a change. 

Then, come the year 2011, if it looks like the economy, national security and energy are turning a corner, by all means, go all out and take back your country. 

The Democrats will be worn out and you guys, svelte and vigorous, will win easily.  I promise.

            In the meantime, don’t fret about abortion, stem cell research, guns and immigration.  Justices Roberts, Scalia, Alito and Thomas will keep an eye on things.

            So guys, what do you say?

Come on.

You’d look like heroes.

Sarah Palin's a hot mama

Mr. & Ms. Jones sit in front of the TV on Friday night to watch Charlie Gibson interview Sarah Palin.  Mr. Jones beams with happiness at the sight of the fresh politician, a cold beer sweats in his hand.  Ms. Jones holds a large tub of ice cream in her lap, her face skeptical.

           At the end of the interview Mr. Jones is delighted.  “She hit the ball out of the park again.  What an amazing woman.” He  picks his teeth with his longish pinky nail.

             “The only thing she hit was her head against the glass ceiling when she actually answered three questions honestly.  Her feelings about abortion, desire to drill the pristine Alaskan National Wildlife refuge and admitting she disagrees with McCaine.”  She scoops the last bite of ice cream.

             “Come on, give the woman some credit. She spoke in complete sentences.  Yeah, she sounded scripted, but she knows more about energy than Obama and McCain combined.”

             “So did George Bush before he got elected and look at us today.  She won't talk about alternative energy sources knowing full well that any new drilling will take a decade to get to the pumps.  How can she think she’s ready to lead the most powerful nation in the free world if she can't solve our energy crisis?”

             “But she didn’t blink, did she?  She’s convinced she can be president and that’s good enough for me.”

             “Wake up.  She's George Bush in a skirt.  She even pronounces 'nuclear' the same way.”

             “I totally disagree.  She’s much hotter.”

Eat your heart out Paris Hilton!

Monday, November 3, 2008.  Day before the 56th consecutive quadrennial United States presidential election.  John McCain and Barack Obama are neck-to-neck in the polls.  This is the last chance they'll have to make their case before the American people go out to vote.

           Looking amiable, the two men shake hands, but their backs are erect, arms rigid, robot like. 

           Tom Brokaw clears his throat and the men quickly shuffle to their places behind clear Lucite podiums.

Brokaw fires the first question.  “Senator Obama.  Is it true that you  were once a community organizer in the south side of Chicago, as Senator McCain maintains in his latest ad?”

A collective tsk is heard from the audience.

            “Yes, but I’ve apologized to our middle class living in red states.  And I’ll go even further. I'll take this opportunity to tell all the poor and disadvantaged folks out there, in places like Chicago, New York and LA.  Your free ride is over, people!  You must pull yourselves up by your bootstraps as my new hero, Justice Thomas, did.  And I will make June 23, Justice Clarence Thomas' birthday, a federal holiday, to remind poor folk that the welfare era is gone, you hear me? G-O-N-E.”  As he spells out the word, Obama menacingly bares his long teeth for the camera.

            The auditorium rises up in cheer.  The applause lasts two minutes.            

“And you, Senator McCain,” says Brokaw, “is it true that you have a new plan to cut our economic deficit and solve our illegal immigrant problem at the same time?"

            “Yes Tom.  Amazingly simple, really,” McCain says calmly.  “Under my administration, I will nationalize American technology and culture, making them national treasures, and I'll shut down our borders and the Internet. The world will no longer have access to our most valuable treasures, like entertainment, fashion trends and music, unless they pay dearly.  If you elect me President, I'll implement a system to charge an entrance fee, like they do at nightclubs, to visit our country.  Without our valuable secrets, the entire globe will come to a standstill.  They won’t know what to do without our American culture and technology.  Their withdrawal symptoms will be felt immediately.  Millions will line up at the border, begging to take a peak, willing to pay even more millions just to get a glimpse of what we’re up to."

          McCain's voice is drowned out by cheer and applause.  After ten minutes, he yells out, "and that’s the way to get back our leadership and prestige in the world, my friends.  With this one simple measure we'll balance our budget, pay our national debt and keep out the riff ruff.  Now, in all fairness, my friends.  Let me tell you.  I got the idea from the Bush twins, Jenna and Barbara.  I take this opportunity to give them credit and announce that if I'm elected, the twins will become my closest strategy advisers.  Eat your heart out Paris Hilton!”

Obama must remove the word “lipstick” from his playbook

Senator Obama received the memo this morning.  No, not a friendly reminder that says: “You’re overstepping your boundaries, dude,” but the wire memo, the one that goes to all the news channels worldwide, and the memo says:

From:  Steve Schmidt & Associates (f/k/a Karl Rove)

To:       The Obama Campaign

Date:    9/11/08

Re:       Your utter disrespect for white women

Senator Obama, as you know, this is an election year.  If you want to play in the big leagues you must know that everything you say is and will be held against you.  Take for example the word "lipstick".  You’re a man. You don’t wear lipstick. Governor Palin is a woman, and not only does she wear lipstick, she owns the word lipstick.  She used the word when she compared hockey moms to pitbulls (the only difference is lipstick, ain’t she funny?).  Once the word lipstick flew from her luscious lips, you had no right to use that word for the balance of the campaign, everybody knows that. Why?

Because that’d be stealing. 

But that’s not all. 

The way you used the word was clearly a message to Ms. Palin.  You said that a pig with lipstick is still a pig.  What planet are you in, sir? Everybody knows you meant to say Governor Palin is a pig, that all hockey moms are pigs, that all white women are pigs.

Have you no decency sir? 

Let me make this as clear as I can. 

Governor Palin is off limits to you. 

You don’t touch her, not with words, or innuendo. Capice?

Glad we understand each other. 

Oh, and by the way, we also own the word “change.”

CHARLIE GIBSON’S INTERVIEW OF SARAH PALIN

Having softened the deep wrinkle between his brows with Restylane and Botox, Charlie Gibson hops on the three-day, non-stop, direct flight from New York to Anchorage to interview Governor Sarah Palin.  From Anchorage he takes a puddle jumper to Juneau, the Alaskan seat of government. Population: 30k (but most of those are cruise passengers on the way to Mendenhall glacier). 

          “Good Morning Charlie, you must be exhausted from your trip,” Governor Palin greets Charlie with her winning smile.  She gestures to a barcalounger across her desk.  Animal heads litter the walls. A moose, a bear, Bambi's mother. 

“I’m fine Governor Palin. Can we get started? I’d like to make the most of the half hour you’ve graciously granted me. I trust the list of questions is to your liking?”  Charlie perches his broad hips on the recliner's arm.  He feels uneasy.

            “Oh, I don’t know Charlie,” Palin hesitates a moment to apply lipstick, “I don’t want you asking me about my family and my faith.  Those are personal matters, you know that.”

            “You’re right Governor, I don’t know what got into me.  What about the other questions.”  Charlie's eyes dart nervously around the room.  He notices a shotgun leaning against the wall, next to the Governor.

            "Ok. Lets see," she checks flash cards one last time. "Irak: we'll be there one hundred years or until we win, whichever comes first.  Iran, Russia and the Muslim terrorist world: we'll fight you until you show us some respect, no matter the cost.  Israel: we're behind you one one hundred percent, of course. Climate change: I admit there might be some man made element, so what?  Economy:  I'm not ready on that one. Energy: drill baby drill.  Earmarks: I admit I was for them, but I'm not for them now.  Selling the jet on ebay? Just a little fib, all part of the game of politics, so get over it. "

           "So, Governor, you admit you lied."  Regaining his confidence, Charlie speaks in a condescending,  patronizing way.

           "We're politicians, Charlie, not community organizers.  We do what we must to win. Winning is everthing.  They don't call me 'Sarah Barracuda' for nothing.  Maybe this is a good time to warn our opponent.  The gloves are off.  Welcome to the world of dirty politics baby!" The governor vigorously punches the air, then reaches for the shotgun and fires.  A moose drops dead outside her window. 

            Charlie ensures his Kevlar vest is in place.      

IF PALIN WERE PRESIDENT